# # # #
Guy: Hey Beautiful!
Girl: Hello
Guy: Can I get to know you?
Girl: oh ok....(thinking out loud)...eh God o, should I respond?...*smirks*
They start talking and hanging out***
Guy: Hey Mo
Girl: Baba o...twale...I dey hail oo ...*teases*
Guy: I like you...You captivate me and I'd like us to take this friendship to another level.
Girl: That'll be nice. I like you too. Make we see as e go be nah...*blushes*
They start dating...meeting their friends and family***
Guy: Hey Sweetie
Girl: Baby Love, What's up?
Guy: My friends like you...thank you for your love and care... continue to be yourself and always tell me about your thoughts and feelings.
Girl: I am a spec after all...lol...*teases*
Guy: Please don't ever hurt my feelings ...*jokes*
Girl: Yinmu...wetin dey do this one...I should be the one to say that
Months after ....Mixed feelings emerge...
Girl: Babe, I seem to be the last person on your mind these days....what's on your mind lately?
Guy: I'm good, I'm just not feeling myself. I forget to check on you and get carried away with my daily activities.
Girl: Really...*surprised*
Guy: I think we should just be friends now. I feel choked up being in a relationship. It's not about you but me...You are a great person don't doubt it.
Girl: Then, what is the problem?
Guy: I can't explain it...My head is just not having this right now and I am not feeling any emotions for you.
Girl: Feels disappointed, her love bruised and feelings hurt... All right, let me know when you feel better.
*Good Bye*
# # # #
A rundown of this tactic mostly displayed by men is tagged as being "Emotionally Unavailable" and this often happens after a while of attraction and closeness to a partner. Suddenly, he starts to feel threatened in his freedom, space and emotions. Recognizing emotional unavailability can be tricky. Many emotionally unavailable people have a knack for making you feel great about yourself and hopeful about the future of your relationship. When they feel exhausted with their emotions, they shut down the ride.
Most people will be emotionally unavailable at some point in their lives. We tend to pull back from engaging emotionally when we feel overwhelmed or have a lot of personal things that require our energy.
Here are some common factors that can contribute to a man being emotionally unavailable:
Past trauma: Unresolved childhood wounds, abuse, or neglect can lead to emotional numbing.
Fear of vulnerability: Fear of being hurt or rejected can cause men to build walls around their emotions.
Societal expectations: Traditional masculine norms can discourage emotional expression and vulnerability.
Fear of intimacy: Fear of closeness or commitment can lead to emotional unavailability.
Attachment issues: Insecure attachment styles (e.g., avoidant or anxious) can make emotional connection challenging.
Emotional immaturity: Lack of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, or regulation skills can hinder emotional availability.
Defences and coping mechanisms: Substance abuse, workaholism, or other coping mechanisms can serve as distractions from emotional pain.
Past relationship experiences: Traumatic or painful past relationships can lead to emotional guardedness.
Mental health conditions: Depression, anxiety, or personality disorders can impact emotional availability.
Learned behaviour: Growing up with emotionally unavailable role models can teach men to suppress emotions.
Shame and guilt: Unresolved shame or guilt can lead to emotional numbing or unavailability.
Lack of emotional support: The absence of supportive relationships or role models can hinder emotional development.
Cultural or family dynamics: Cultural or family norms that discourage emotional expression can contribute to emotional unavailability.
Personal beliefs and values: Beliefs that emotions are a sign of weakness or that vulnerability is dangerous can lead to emotional unavailability.
You might not want to settle for someone who isn’t exactly right. But this mindset can limit your ability to dedicate time and energy to someone who truly cares for you. It’s not always possible to find a “perfect” match, but you can still have a great relationship with someone who falls a little short of complete perfection.
Being emotionally unavailable is not a cast in stone. It’s a complex issue, although, some underlying causes may be harder to overcome than others. However, it is a personal decision that needs to be made to have that great and positive change in your life. First and Foremost, be ready to break down that wall against your emotions - Be Vulnerable. Change only happens when someone is willing to work at creating it.
No matter what type of relationship we’re talking about—be it friendship, familial, or romantic, vulnerability is key to fostering a closer, deeper, and more authentic bond with another person. It keeps us honest with each other and ourselves, breaks down walls, eliminates the potential for miscommunication and misunderstandings, and allows us to be worthy of our feelings.
Gradually open up and share your feelings with your partner.
Personal traits that can help you overcome being emotionally unavailable:
Be Aware and Mindful: Recognize your emotions, patterns and triggers. Focus on the present and let go of past hurts or traumas.
Trust God Always: No matter the fears and traumas you may have gone through or have at the moment, Prayer heals faster than you can imagine. Prayer is a powerful tool for emotional healing and growth. Devote your life to God regardless of the situation or circumstances around you. Don't be consumed by the impact caused by negative results or bad experiences. Be patient with your time to heal and grow.
Be Resilient: If you fail at something now, you will win some other time. Learn to recover quickly from difficult situations that may have hurt your emotions. This makes it easy to allow something new without predicting the end from the beginning.
Love Regardless: Don't be receptive to Love expressed towards you and as expected of you to retaliate. Our good emotions are curled from loving someone or something back regardless of how we interpret the other person's feelings or actions. A Loving Heart heals faster from hurts and rejection.
Show Empathy: Practice understanding and compassion towards yourself and others. Everyone is going through something in their lives and may just need that show of affection from you to heal or get better. Your love towards others requires you to be kind and considerate and should be unwavering any day, anytime.
Grow Out of your Fears: You could list the common fears that trigger your emotions such as losing your freedom, being trapped, being responsible for others, being betrayed, being judged, trusting others, uncertainty, rejection, intimacy, and inability to Love someone back. Be gentle with yourself and don't hesitate to seek help when needed. Grow Up!
Setting your Priorities Right: Most of the time, your inability to manage your activities and time effectively, clouds your emotions. You tend not to get things in the right order or perspective due to stress and anxiety.
Setting priorities is essential for emotional clarity and well-being. You will have deeper and more meaningful connections when you put relationships and activities that bring joy as a top priority.
Seek True Companionship: A true companion can help you to be emotionally available in so many ways; thereby giving you their Emotional Support, Listening Hears, Understanding Heart, Unwavering Love, Open Mind, Unconditional Acceptance, Emotional Intimacy, and Sense of Belonging. Since your partner is offering this much, you should show yourself to be ready for a change by self-reflection, and be trustworthy, consistent and secure.
Stay Humble: By staying humble, you'll be more open, receptive, and willing to learn, grow and connect with others on a deeper emotional level.